Saturday, 10 January 2015

Nature - A lecture by Miss Parsnips

I had a conversation a while back that I've been mulling over ever since. I remember it very clearly - it was after Strictly Come Dancing and a fantastic dance by Caroline & Pasha. Caroline kicked up her leg and you saw her pants, along with a little patch on wobbly flesh with a ripple of cellulite. My boyfriend said that he thought it was sexy. He said he generally finds cellulite sexy - he thinks it's cute. Good on him.

What was weird was that when I talked to a bunch of women about this conversation, one of them pulled a face as if cellulite is disgusting and suggested that my boyfriend is weird to like it. I found this reaction SO shocking! Some of my female friends also think it's odd that he finds pregnant women beautiful & sexy. The thing is, my boyfriend is a normal human being. He thinks women are beautiful, in all shapes and sizes, and he doesn't have massive hang ups about what their bodies should look like. Well, not since he met me anyway.... he was confused by my natural approach to my body hair when we first met (!) but he learned. I still find it amazing that he had never encountered natural pubic hair in real life before he met me, it REALLY bothers me that this is how the world is nowadays, that a natural bush is now unusual!. Anyway, throughout his life he has learned to appreciate the aspects of women's bodies that are often looked down upon, and that's how it should be, right? If you heard a man say "women with cellulite are gross" you'd think he was a prick.

I can't speak for everyone, but in terms of people I know I feel like deep down, women are the ones that judge the most and need re-educating. Why is it odd to find pregnant women attractive? Why is cellulite disgusting? Why is female body hair shameful?

It's not. 

The question should be why do YOU think those things. 


Some women have been fooled into thinking their own gender's entirely natural bodies are not beautiful, not sexy, not acceptable, not feminine!. When that's written down in black and white you can really appreciated how nonsensical it is - a womans body in it's natural state is not feminine. It seems like it should be obvious to anyone with a brain that there can be nothing more feminine than a womans body in it's natural state! I find this way of thinking so upsetting, particularly when these opinions are voiced by people I love and respect. 

Let's think about all this logically for a moment....

Women DO look beautiful when they're pregnant - they don't look fat or bloated or ugly, they look like they're carrying a new life inside of them and it's natural and beautiful and doesn't stop them from being sexually attractive - I'm sure many mothers will tell you that they got super horny at times during their pregnancy - they don't loose their desire OR their allure. Did you know that there are two types of sperm? Egg-getters and fighters? There are literally sperm that are designed to fight off rival sperm because throughout evolution women often had sex with more than one man, and the strongest (i.e most genetically compatible!) mans fighter sperm would kill the weaker mans egg-getters, this ensured the sperm that fertilises the egg would create the strongest offspring. What I'm trying to say is that women are, and always have been sexual beings, not just baby carriers!

On to Cellulite. What exactly is it that make people so crazy about cellulite?! It's something that is totally out of our control - it's natural, mainly caused by hormones and metabolism, which is why women of all sizes and shapes have it. Fighting against cellulite is a loosing battle, and if 80% of women have it why is it such a big fucking deal?! It's just part of our bodies and thinking it's ugly is just as bonkers as thinking freckles are ugly, or stretch marks, or scars. Get the fuck over it. Naked skin is sexy, weather it's smooth or dimpled.

I just don't know where to start with body hair. This is a subject that drives me insane! Why is okay for men to have natural underarm / leg / pubic hair, but it's shocking or ugly for women to have the same? That is some BULLSHIT! There's no getting round the fact that body hair is what nature intended for us. Yes, in the past there have been entirely sensible reasons for shaving off body hair (for instance, to avoid little critters living in there back in the days when we stopped bathing and were a bit stinky and dirty!) but nowadays many women do it because they've been told that female body hair is unattractive. I get it. Women in the media seem to have been bald below the neck for the last 30 years and it has therefore become the norm, but it SHOULDN'T be the norm. It should be a choice, not an obligation. I choose when to shave and when not to. I do my legs in the summer because it keeps me cool and feels nicer when I'm swimming (and doesn't take long to dry off after said swim) but I don't bother to keep the stubble under control. I don't really bother in the winter because it keeps me warm and I prefer longer, soft hair to scratchy short hair! Like I said, it should be a choice made by and for you, nobody else. There are lots of theories about why humans evolved to have hair in the areas we do - of course there are areas where it grows for protection (head, eyebrows and eyelashes being obvious examples of this) but when it comes to underarms and pubic hair, the theory that makes the most sense to me and my life experiences is that we grow hair in areas where we sweat, or that would chafe without hair protecting our skin. The sweating is particularly important, because in our sweaty areas we secrete pheromones, which attract mates. Not only does it attract mates, but it attracts specific mates who's body chemistry compliments ours, which again, leads to the strongest offspring... It's all about nature keeping the species alive! The hair lets those pheromones waft around and it drags your ideal mate to you like a magnet. You know I'm talking sense here. The best advise I could ever give anyone about relationships is this - don't go out with someone that you don't like the smell of. If you don't like the smell of their sweat you aren't compatible! Attraction through smell is the most intense sexual attraction for me. My boyfriend and I literally have chemistry - not in the lame romantic sense of the word, but in the butt-sniffing, we're just animals, no control over it scientific sort of way, and I've no doubt that it's a big part of why we got together and stayed together. It's powerful. It's real. And it's a bloody good reason to re-consider removing all your body hair. 

May the wafting commence!

I could go on about all this for pages and pages but I'm going to stop myself here. I don't do new year resolutions, but my new years wish is for women to change the way they think about femininity and see the true beauty in their perfectly natural bodies.


  1. Here Here! I agree. I find it quite shocking that young teenage girls, as soon as they have hair want to get rid of it. If they don't they are made to feel grotesque, by their peers. I'm all for having a little trim if necessary, but why is the expectation that all women need to look like prepubescent girls from the waist down?

  2. I'm of the natural bush brigade! Can't bear the shaving rash and subsequent stubble!

  3. I often wonder if women connect that they are trying to be so skinny they lose their natural adult body shape, and also, they shave, pluck and wax all hair that isnt on the head (or eyebrows, but even then some). So basically they are going for the look they had as a child before puberty??? And this is what they think men want. It actually worries me.

  4. It's very odd isn't it. Whenever I see a natural bush nowadays I actually cheer - I like a good 70's bush!

  5. Same - I've explained this to my boyfriend before like this; I love my vagina, it brings me much pleasure and painfully ripping my pubic hair out with wax or shaving then having an itchy, spotty rash destroys that pleasure!

  6. I dunno..... I've never thought of it as an attempt to look younger but as a way to conform to what society thinks is sexy. I don't doubt that deep-down in their psyche men who ONLY like bald vagina's relate it to youth, which is just creepy however you look at it. I've also heard the 'it's easier to go down on a girl with no pubes, and easier to find the clitoris' (always spouted by men who have massive natural bushes themselves) but seriously, how hard is 'front and center'?!

  7. Well said Parnsips! I shave what I want to shave, when I want to shave it. I'm sure if men had to shave their whole entire selves they'd feel a lot differently about body hair. Having to shave one small easily accessible part of their body - their faces - is somewhat different to shaving awkward places like armpits and minges.

    I shave my pits when I remember to - it might be twice a week or twice a month. The hairs on my legs are quite sparse so I can go weeks without a shave and you can't tell from a distance. My leg hairs are soft anyway and hubby doesn't drop dead of a heart attack if he feels my leg and there are hairs there. My foof is trimmed but not often shaved completely - the itching is just too much. I remember shaving completely for a holiday to Ibiza and walking through the airport with my legs at diagonals to each other desperately trying to scratch the rampant itch with my thighs. So attractive! Hahaha.

    I always get so annoyed when I see a woman reposting a photo of a woman with hairy armpits on Facebook with 'Ewwww!' or something like that. FFS that's that woman's choice and taking the mickey out of it just makes the person who says 'eww' look like an arse. Each person's body = each person's rules. xx

  8. Hear hear! I shave my armpits and legs about once a month or when I remember. My bush I will trim with scissors when I remember, most often when I'm on my period just because it feels a bit cleaner and easier to manage then.