Thursday, 14 February 2013

You and I

This post is not about clothes, it's a Valentines post about a fat girl finding love. I wasn't sure whether to post this or not - i don't want to piss anyone off, especially my regular readers who are used to my deliberately superficial posts! But the torrent of angst that hits me when I log on to my 'plumpparsnips' twitter account sometimes makes me so sad. Naively I thought everyone would be like me on there, obsessing over clothes and shoes, but there are so many girls / women thinking they will never find love or just generally feeling very sad about being single. I'm not sure if their feelings are always related to their size I hope not because it's not as if fat girls are the only girls who find it hard to get boyfriends.

Me personally, I'm not going to say that you don't need a plus one to be happy - that depends entirely on your vision for your future. One of my relatives has never married or cohabited and has no children, and she is a very happy woman (who at about 70 years old looks 20 years younger, dunno what that tells us!) so some people lead very happy lives being free and single. What I will say is that I was single from the age of 14 until 24. That is a ten year gap without a boyfriend people. I spent most of my adult life as a singleton surrounded by couples. What I did during that time was have a lot of fun with friends, family and of course occasioanlly have some flings (ranging from disastrous to wonderful). I went to college and uni, I worked in jobs that gave me the foundations I needed to get my current job, and then I worked my ass off to create a wonderful career and excel in my field. I achieved so much, and I did it without a boyfriend.

I am a very firm believer that people - participially women who are taught from a young age that our aims should be to get married and have babies - should learn to make themselves happy. Seriously ladies, a boyfriend is not the answer to all your problems! Jesus Christ if you choose the wrong one or just settle for anyone who wants you then they can be the ROOT of all your problems!

I was a bit fussy about men. I thought most men were bastards. I was actually becoming a bit of a man hater to be honest. Having lots of male friends and watching their behaviour towards women did that to me. There is no point in bleeting on about being a feminist - my world is one where I support myself, and I am as successful as my male counterparts. I have never let having a vagina make a fuck bit of difference in anything I've wanted to do with my life so of course I'm a feminist. The point is that the last thing I wanted to be was a man hating woman, because that is still sexism and is no more acceptable than men who think 'all women are bitches'. Historically I have preferred the company of men to women. It might just be where I grew up or the girls I knew, But I tire very quickly of women who are always talking about diets, boys and hating on their bodies / other women. Men get a bad wrap for being judgemental about us, but they are nothing compared to how we are about ourselves. I'd be the first to admit that I don't dress for men, I dress for myself and other women & my blog is proof of that. 

So anyway, by the time I was 24 I was living in London, starting a new and exciting career. I met my ex boyfriend and had a 6 month relationship that could be described as rather typical. He chased me for a month, I didn't want a boyfriend, I gave in, fell in love, and then 5 months in he lost interest in me and I ended it because 'no man will ever treat me like this!'. The year or so that followed was a celibate one (by choice!) in which I got a promotion, met my best friend, visited some lovely cities in Europe and generally had a fun life. I proved to myself that it is better to be single than to be in a bad relationship. I've always known that to be honest, but sometimes it's hard not to be fooled.

I met my boyfriend when I was 26 (much younger than I had expected to be when I met my future partner!) and it felt right to me. HE felt right for me.

Here are some important facts about the man I love. He does not have a fetish for fat girls, he likes women of all shapes, sizes, nationalities and colours. He has never ever used my size as a weapon to hurt me, or humiliate me & has never been ashamed to be seen with me. We are similar in some ways and different in others, so he challenges me and teaches me things. He gets more excited when I wear jogging bottoms and a hoody than he does when I get all dressed up to go out. He tells me when I'm being a dick. He likes me without makeup - you know what, that is something that all men I know agree on, even though men want to shag Jordan types, apparently they don't want to introduce them to their mothers... go figure!

We have been together for over 4 years now, and he is a massive part of my life. I'd go so far as to say 'integral'. This is what real love feels like, it approaches the love I have for my family, and so imagining my life without him is horribly painful. I did not believe I would ever feel this way about anyone. Honestly I didn't. But it happened.

In many ways I am still the same person I always was, I'm still ambitious and confident and self reliant, but my life has changed. He has mellowed me a bit to be honest, which is a very good thing because I'm an angry and stressy person at heart. That is why my relationship is so important to me - not because I want to be in a couple, or because I want to be like everyone else, or because I am not comfortable enough with myself to be alone, but because it is HIM that I am with. If he had been a different person I would probably still be single now at 31. 

My boyfriend won't read this, he doesn't follow my blog because 'that way madness lies', but as it's valentines day I'm happy to tell my readers how much I love him. He is funny, intelligent, creative and makes inappropriate jokes. He says 'Sin' instead of 'seen' and 'pictures' instead of 'Cinema'. He is hot (I think so anyway!). He can listen to Jazz music he has never heard before and tell me who the musicians are without looking at the credits. He thinks that 'Monsters Inc' is the best film ever made. He tells me he loves everyday and I know he means it. To me he is amazing, and he makes me very happy. That is the one and only reason to be in a relationship.

Just to finish off, this is my sister (also plus sized) on her wedding day. She met her Husband while on holiday. I hope this proves that there is a whole world of possibilities, and if you get on with your life then love might find you when you least expect it.

This little fella is the result of that love.... you never know where life will take you!


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