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Saturday 28 December 2019

ASOS Curve review 2019 #6. Sale stuff

Seasons greetings! I couldn't resist trying some of the sale items in my wish list.

Please note.... I didn't have anywhere to put my phone that doesn't take photos from quite a low angle, so these aren't the greatest shots! Hopefully they show the shape of the clothes well enough to be helpful!

Size 26, white

Wearing white is tricky. I'm 100% likely to sit on something or brush against something that will mark this on the first wear and never wash out. I'm keeping it anyway because I like it and it's got loads of pockets!
It's almost a maxi on me. It's very soft fabric that is heavy and falls nicely. I'm sure the 24 would have fit me (the arms are very comfy and it's designed to not be cut too close to the body), but it would have been a bit tight when I sit down.

Size 24, electric blue (it's actually turquoise!)

Next up is this oversized crushed velvet dress. I saw someone wearing this on the tube and realised that I'd bought the wrong velvet dress...... I kept the smock dress in a similar colour and I know I'm gonna end up selling it because I like this one better (with a few caveats!)
This is TOO oversized! It's not straight up and down, so the curved shape makes it look a tad odd on me (I'm going to order it in a size 20, which I'm absolutely sure will still be oversized!) It's comfy stretch velour and I think I will love it with my hair up, big earrings and over the knee boots.
This fabric is a bit thin and sheer for my liking. It's quite synthetic but it's also quite cute. It's generous and has stretch. Extremely good for busty ladies as the top is pretty wide. It's a long midi on me. Probably a maxi on the average lady.

Size 24, sand (this colour is actually much more of a nude)

I'm genuinely pissed off by this one. It's very oversized on the model, so I ordered a 24. It's not oversized at all in reality. It's very tight on the arms and bust. The pockets are stupidly high. It's stupidly short. ANNOYED!

I don't know why I ordered this in a 26. I would need a 24. It's pretty true to size and it's thin sweat fabric. Super comfy.... would have been good for Christmas had it fit a bit better! Sleeves are stupidly long again though!

This jumpsuit is cute, but even with the straps at their longest it's still too short in the body for my freakishly long torso. It's a real shame as I love the shape and print. It's a lightweight crinkle-like fabric but very soft. Would certainly have kept this if it didn't give me a camel-toe and pretzel my back up! (I tried the 26 too and it was too big for me width-wise)

Speaking of stupidly long sleeves. Ffs Asos! Who are you making these clothes for?! I'm tall and they're long on me!
Oh and more fake pockets. Thanks. Really helpful!
On the plus side, it has pockets on the bust which are very sizable and sturdy and you can pull the sleeves up a bit. The fabric isn't stretchy so I sized up. 24 would have been a bit uncomfortable on the waist I think.

Last but not least, is this lovely little dress. I got it for £18 and wore it on Christmas day because.....
A) it's pretty 
B) it's stretchy
C) it's warm
D) it's comfy

I got it on a 26 because I didn't realise it would be stretchy! A 24 would have been fine to be honest.
Now the rather massive downside (that I discovered after a few hours wear). It dyed my skin blueish-black in a big way..... the way some indigo jeans have in the past. It also dyed the white tub blue during my bath and I had to scrub it off. I was still scrubbing it off my armpits for a few days. A real pain frankly. I'll put it in the wash with some other dark items when I'm home, and I imagine the embroidery will be a very different colour afterwards. LAME!
I hope you had a merry Christmas and I wish you all a happy new year!
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Monday 16 December 2019

ASOS Curve review 2019 #5. Denim.

Size 26, blue

Lordy this dress is so cool.
I love denim dresses, but it can be tricky to find the right style and fit. I went nuts when I saw this dress.... it felt very "me" indeed! I knew (as with all ASOS curve denim dresses) that I'd need a 26.
Okay so the good bits. Love the length. Love the corseted waist. Love the thick denim. Love the colour. Live for the stupidly big sleeves. It has lots of pockets!
The problem is that Asos clearly lost their minds while making this dress.... because it has poppers. Yep! A corseted non-stretch denim dress, with fucking poppers! FOR FAT PEOPLE! I cannot be the only person who sits down and fills the clothes more than when standing?! I tested it's strength. Sat down..... okay okay, seems secure. Sat down at speed. Okay interesting, still fastened shut. Decent poppers. But the big test. Putting boots on! POP POP POP! Belly exposed. GOD DAMN IT! Oh and it smelt gross, but got less vinegary as time went on! I sent it back with great sadness. The 28 was too big and looked rubbish on me.

Sad. Face.

ASOS DESIGN Curve denim shirt dress in black
Size 26, black

A size 26 dress with a size 20 upper arm. Meh.
This dress is very up and down indeed. No shape, but really quite nice. Casual but still quite smart. If you like a straight cut and you have thin arms then this is a good option. I wish it had fit because I think it's a good wardrobe staple.

Size 26, orange

Stupid white balance. It was a grey day but wow! Anyway, I liked this dress a lot. Love the cut, love the colour, love the length of the sleeves. Nice thin non stretch denim. BUT......
FAKE POCKETS?! REALLY ASOS?! WWWWHHHHYYYYY?????!!!!! GIVE WOMEN POCKETS! It is madness to sew on massive pocket flaps and then not include actual bloody pockets! It ruined this dress for me. I just can't. 

I like how it looks on me but I was too annoyed to keep it. Men get pockets. Women deserve pockets too. I don't care about ruining the lines. Kiss my fat ass sexist designers!


A 26 really shouldn't be this tight on my boobs. I have a wide back yes, but my breasts aren't big compared to my body. They're very much in proportion. 
On the plus side, I like the cut generally speaking and the arms actually fit my enormous arms! 
Busty ladies are going to have issues with this dress, but if you are bigger on the belly and hips, but smaller on top, this might be a winner for you.


Size 26, yellow


I have never tried liquor n poker clothes so I assumed they'd be small (normally the case with random brands that Asos sell!) But actually, similar sizing to asos own brand denim skirts I'd say (24 would be too tight!).
Size 26, mid blue

I tried two. Both thin and soft denim. It feels like it will loosen up a bit after wearing it too. It's very comfy.

The camera on my phone is a bit shit. Sorry about that! Anyway, this dress is actually rather cute. If it wasn't white I'd keep it (I'd destroy it instantly I'm sure!). It's non-stretch and thin but firm denim. I like the shape and the neckline. The only downside is the classice American footballer shoulder span! Far too wide. I'd have folded a section of the shoulder and sewn it up under the collar if I'd kept it. You don't need that much shoulder when there is a puffed sleeve attached to it!

I also ordered this white dress and received (no joke!) A size 16 dress with a size 26 label stuck to the inside. Clearly a mistake in the factory. I don't know if it's a problem with all of them or just the one I got, but sadly I can't review it!
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Tuesday 10 December 2019

ASOS Curve review 2019 #4. Dresses.


This is very much my kind of dress. It's a sexy while at work dress for me. It's so rare to find dresses like this with full length sleeves! It's non stretch shell-like fabric. On the downside, its a tad static (fine with leggings, tights might be tricky). On the plus side the neck is lovely, the colours are cute and the pattern is nice too. I do love a good non-stretch wrap dress!
So I was quite sure this would run small. I actually ordered a 26 and 28, but I opened the 28 first and found it very comfortable so I kept it. Didn't bother trying on the 26 for a few reasons..... firstly the arms were comfy and had a bit of room. 26 would have been a bit tighter and therefore less comfy. Secondly, I wanted to wear it to work, and the bigger size allowed me to wrap it tighter and further round, so it covered my cleavage. Handy! I am sure the 26 would have fit, but it would have been a bit low cut.
Hard decision to send this one back. I love it, but I also know I am no good with high necks in summer and no good at 3-4 sleeves in winter! 
Lovely light fabric. Big pockets. Proper midi. Generally generous all over so it's properly oversized. 

Oooohhhh this dress is TIGHT! I don't really know how to describe the fabric?! It's stretchy but thickish and a bit scratchy. Not very smooth. But it holds it's shape quite well so feels like wearing spanks! 
I mean..... that ass though. Good bum dress it seems!
I much prefer this with the sleeves rolled up as batwings never really floated my boat. I sent this back because it's very tight on the hips and belly and I think a 26 would be more comfy. If it ends up in the sale again I'm having it!
This is a missguided sweater dress. The colour isn't particularly exciting but its so comfy. I'm certainly going to wear this a lot because sweater dresses are my (start of winter before it gets REALLY cold) go-to at this time of the year. It's nice to have one with a waist!
I had no idea what the sizing would be like, so I went for the 26. I didn't need to size up with this dress. 24 would have been fine. A 22 probably would have fit nicely too, but might have been too short!. Kept it!

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Saturday 7 December 2019

ASOS Curve review 2019 #3. Coats

I really want a bright or patterned winter coat.... I'm very bored of muted winter clothes! So many of my jumper and sweater dresses are black or grey or beige. My workplace is pretty cold, so I need to wear warm stuff, and I wanted a nice coat to chuck on over the top that is a bit show-offy!

What is it with Club L? Their sizing is all over the place! This coat is so over-sized on the top compared to the bottom. And let's be honest, it looks like a dressing gown. A shame really as the fabric is actually rather nice and soft.

No. Very much no.

Please forgive the mess in my room that you're about to see... I had to snap these at speed before doing my returns and I've had a busy week! Plus I'm a slattern sometimes, lol!

Size 24, Pink (according to the website, but nope, it's very pale mauve!)

I'm trying to decide how I feel about this coat. The neck is so big that if feels a bit odd, a bit Harry Hill-ish! BUT it's also kinda cool. A tiny bit itchy but very warm and I like the large pockets and sash belt. If I had space I would probably keep it for quite specific outfits (never with my hair up because of the sloping shoulders!), but alas..... space is very limited!


I just don't know why this doesn't work for me! It's sort of perfect but It also feels wrong. I don't like the epilets. If they weren't sewn on so securely I'd cut them off because the coat itself is so busy, it really doesn't need additional detailing! On the plus side it is so warm and the fabric is soft and lovely! It's a heavy coat and generously sized. It's just too big. Not just in terms of size but also in cut. I'm a fair bit taller than the average woman so it's odd that the sleeves are sooooo long on me. It would also be maxi length on some women (midi on me). A lot of women would be swamped by this even if they downsized. I've requested the size 22 to try but Asos always just give me a refund rather than an exchange for some reason.... even when they have the alternative size in stock. Not gonna re-order it for a much higher price now the black Friday sale is done! What am I, a fool?! No mam. 


I like this coat a lot. It's a bit more lightweight than the pervious coats, but the cut and colour is lovely. Sadly there are no fastenings (which annoys me, I don't want a winter coat opening up as I walk or sit down etc!) and it's far more generous on the top than on the hips, so to wear it comfortably I'd need a 26. Not sure if the 26 would look as nice on the shoulders and bust though?! I really don't know why so many coats are designed for women who have American Footballer shoulder spans but American Girl Scout bums and hips?! Give me an A-line swing coat over that shit anyday!

Oh well. Back to the drawing board. I will have to wait for the next sale now huh?!

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Sunday 1 December 2019

ASOS Curve review 2019 #2. Party frocks!

Tis the season to be frocky! 
This is a cute dress. I ordered the 26 an although I'm sure the 24 body would have fit nicely, the arms would certainly have been too small. Happily this is a very good fit. The fabric is also a bit stretchy so it's comfy too!
Nice colour, nice length, nice cut!
The only problem I have is that faux leather makes me sweat. I'm not sure how long I could wear this if I keep it.... but I like how it looks so I WANT TO KEEP IT! Still mulling this one over!
I mean..... come on. You know I feel super sexy in this right? You know I kept this one, right?!
Sadly this seems to have sold out in the smaller sizes, but on the plus side you defo need to size up in this dress, so if you're a size 26 or 28 you're in luck!
I feel a bit Nigella Christmas in this frock, and that is my happy place so it's has joined my wardrobe. It's got  bit of give but it's not stretchy. Linen, so lightweight fabric but firm enough to hold you in and create an hourglass silhouette. you can see what a lovely shape it is.
It shows some skin without being obvious. Speaking of obvious.... I obviously don't wear this bra with this dress normally!
YOU KNOW I HAD TO BUY THIS BAT SHIT CRAZY DRESS!!!
It is like drag queen meets evil queen and I paid full price for it and have zero regrets! I also give zero fucks if people think I'm bonkers when I wear it.
Now look, the sleeves are stupid, but I live for them. And yes, it's not flattering and shows up my belly, but I love it anyway. To be fair I would be wearing this with tights that smooth my belly down so the silhouette would be more pleasing when it's a full outfit, but my belly will still be on display and I don't care a jot!
Flattering on the old arse though, huh? I actually stitched the ruffles at the front down to the body of the dress and left them separated above the bust and on the shoulders.I just knew they're get in the way for me because when I talk I gesticulate a lot (too much, I'm always knocking over drinks!) but just so you know, I've customised this a bit.
Ignore the ruffle. It's been in my rammed wardrobe and I forgot to smooth it down when I put it on! So, this dress is stretch denim, which is why it is so fucking fabulous and sculptural! It's also a beautiful pastel greeny blue shade, which is unusual. Oh and it's METALLIC! Asos saw me coming with this dress. Cat nip to Parsnip!
Again, pretty sure you can tell that this was a keeper. Already worn on date night. Sexy and funky. My partner described me as "Fit as fuck" in this, which is exactly how I feel when I put it on! 
I didn't really need to get a 26 in this but I'm not sure it would have made much difference so I didn't bother to change it. It's a thinner and more flexible fabric that I had expected (sort of crumpled shell fabric, not plisee but not flat either!) and the rouching and big sleeves make it a bit more generous than some other similar dresses I've tried from Asos.
Again, I didn't wear this bra with it! Now full disclosure. I like how this dress looks but it's not too well made. The rouched front is two pieces of fabric and the thread used to join them is not strong enough. I've had to sew the seam up all along the front of the dress. If I'd paid full price I'd be pissed off, but I got it on sale and feel hot in it, so meh... I got my needle out and fixed it. But be warned! 
Checked, size 26

I just wanted to mention some dresses I didn't keep and so don't have photos of.....


I tried a 26 in this frock and it was insane! On me anyway. The skirt felt like a size 20 and the top a size 28. Such a shame because if this had been in proportion I would have loved it! I love the satin fabric, I love the colour and print, I love the cut. If you are very triangular and have very large breasts but much narrower hips, then you might find this a great fit though. It's so cute. Gutted it was such an odd fit on me! To be fair you can sort of see that it doesn't fit the model too well either so I should have realised!


I ordered this in a 26 but it turned out to be a soft and stretchy fabric so I would have changed it for a 24. I love this dress, but big puff sleeves don't look very good on me unless the shoulders are quite big. The sloping shoulders on anything a bit batwing shaped doesn't look quite right as I already have sloping shoulders! I highly recommend it to everyone else though! Lovely bright bodycon dress, perfect with tights because it's long sleeves are warm. If it get's massively reduced then I might buy it and add some shoulder pads, but right now I'm resisting!


I REALLY struggled with the decision to return this dress. I got a size 26 (correct, the skirt would have been too tight in a 24!) and oh my god it's so fucking cool! The colour is astonishing! It is the brightest yellow gold you will ever see. You could see me from space in this AND THAT'S HOW NOTICEABLE I WANNA BE! My problem with it is a personal one; I don't like things round my neck. This isn't exactly tight on my neck, but because it's high on the neck, and ruched, and non-stretch it made me feel a bit trapped. I tried to work out if I could customise it to make a slash neck, but I couldn't see an easy way to do it, but you had better believe that if it ends up in the bargain bin I'm gonna buy it, cut it into a slash neck and spend bloody ages sewing it up! If you're cool with things around your neck I think this dress is so special. you can also tie the sleeves so you can wear them as 3-4 if you don't like how long they are. I keep thinking out this dress. Truly a colour for a queen!


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